Matt Cooke: Noted Clown

March 21st, 2011

10 games was not enough. 1st round of the playoffs is not enough. We’re talking about player safety here, and Cooke has repeatedly proven that he has no regard for his fellow players. Two things should have happened:

1) Cooke is done for the season and his ability to play is reviewed (like parole) for next year based on his actions to prove that he has changed

2) Failing that (as the NHL did), given the Penguin’s history of head injuries and Lemieux’s recent comments about violence in the league, the team should suspend him. It would be a major statement about this type of play, and it would be very appropriate considering Crosby’s injury and Lemieux’s comments.

PS: Bertuzzi got a year for a head shot with an unlucky result and nowhere near Cooke’s history.

NFL Labour Issues: Decertification and legal battle a “lock”

March 9th, 2011

From Sports Illustrated:

1) Given that the owners (and the NFL) can’t (or won’t) prove what
their trouble is, I think we have an impasse that will move to the
next stage.

2) Lockout occurs.

3) Probably decertification happens. It’s what I would do.

4) However, given the legal framework discussed in the article, I have
the following conclusions:
a) The players lose the lawsuit against the draft, the cap, revenue
sharing, and free agency. These things are clearly pro-competition.
You are talking about competition over a limited resource (ie the
number of payton mannings) therefore, special competition rules are
allowed (see bandwidth wholesaling in canada). Further, parity and
competition have only improved in all leagues where these things are
done. Only a judge who has no understanding of sports or economics
could be duped by this. The only other issue is a judge who really
thinks that 4 teams with all the stars is the best.

b) The players win on the 3 years out of highschool rule and they
likely win the right to some revenue sharing.

5) The other place the union will lose (particularly if it
decertifies, and also, I think that the NFL should have little trouble
proving that the decert was in bad faith) is on the 18 games. As long
as the NFL is willing to compensate based on the increase work and
risks, the union (or trade assoc) will not be able to stop it. It
would be just the same as a regular employer adding duties to an
existing union. As long as the payment is fair, the union can’t stop
it. Certainly, you could delay and take the payment to arbitration,
but you’d still have to do the work. Unless they could prove that the
extra game is as dangerous as requiring workers to wear asbestos nose
plugs or something, and that seems unlikely.

Quietly about games

February 8th, 2011

I just finished watching an “issue” of the escapist on non-combat games, and I am compelled to comment. I must first complement these people on an excellent product. I rarely have any complaints when I watch these. BUT NOT THIS TIME!

First, re-using mechanics from combat for non-combat purposes is a great (though not new) idea. The real genius in this section is the example of the “convince” bar. This kind of visual representation is lost in most mechanics (even combat ones) and in most games. More visual representation of what we’re doing!!!!

Second, the reason combat is more interesting and desirable in a game is that I can talk in real life. I can’t cut a demi-god’s head off in real life. I also can’t be president in real life, but if I need to talk to become president, we’re back to real life. Now, if I had to kill zombies to be president, we’re back in business.

Shushing, swearing, and sports (barely)

February 27th, 2009

AlQaeda is my friend. We hang out. We talk at an unreasonable volume. We swear an unreasonable amount. We go to hockey games. These are the facts of the case, and they are indisputable.

Not long ago, we were at an Oilers game (yes, the Oilers do officially still play that game we call hockey), and we were having a lovely conversation about…well…I don’t really remember. It doesn’t really matter. The point is, that we were (at least during the period of time in question) NOT talking about baby rape or holocaust denying or some equally incendiary topic. However, as noted in the facts, we were swearing our asses off.

If you’ve ever been to CorporateSellout Coliseum in Edmonton (it used to gloriously be called “The Coliseum” until some douchebag decided to sell the name a few times–fortunately, it’s still called the right name on all transit signs), you will know that the seats are pretty close together. Even with normal sports-venue noise, moderately loud conversation can be heard from within 10 feet or so. Sitting in front of us, slightly to the right, there was a middle-aged guy (maybe later 30’s, early 40’s) with his kid (I’m bad with kid ages: somewhere between 8 and 15). I noticed this poor putz wincing whenever we swore particularly virulently, so I sort of wondered if he would say anything. At some point, he leaned back to AlQaeda and said something like, “Hey, can you watch the language? I’m here with my kid.”

Now, some of you may be concerned about the exact nature of the “shush”, but it doesn’t really matter (possibly AlQaeda will follow up with the exact-ish words). The key is that we were shushed, in public, at a HOCKEY GAME, for inappropriate language. Ok, so a couple of things jump right out at you:

1) We’re adults. You’re not our grade 4 teacher.

2) I will say it again: IT IS A HOCKEY GAME! We’re not at your daycare.

3) They serve liquor at hockey games. We didn’t happen to be drinking, but come on.

4) He chose to bring a kid to a place where there will be (among other things): yelling, swearing, possibly racist talk, drinking, and general carrying on, over which Daddy can expect to have no control.

AlQaeda, gentleman that he is, was polite and said “Sure” or something equally polite and positive. When he told me, I got immediately mad because this kind of crap really annoys me. AQ made the karma/business argument which basically goes, “You never know when you might go into a meeting where you’re hoping to land a huge contract, and the decision maker comes in, and it just happens to be the guy you yelled at for shushing you.” That’s a fair argument. Here is mine:

Daddy’s only possible argument for wanting to control the noise around his kid is with some notion of communal child rearing. Somehow, we as a community have chosen to protect our children from bad words, so he is within his rights to try to affect the words coming from my mouth. If that’s the case, then I call upon my group-parenting rights and say, “You are raising your child wrong!” I believe that the earlier kids learn about “appropriate language” the better. People need to know that while the word “juxtapose” is a useful and impressive word when you’re at a hand-ground, monkey massaged, bean smooched coffee party with a load of people wearing corduroy jackets with elbow patches, if you trot it out at, say, a hockey game, you are likely to get your ass kicked. At the very least, people may draw the wrong (or right, I suppose) conclusions about the kind of person you are based on the language you use. Hold on, I’m getting off track here. For further arguments on language, look them up yourself.

Essentially, it’s the parent’s responsibility to educate their children when it comes to language. Or anything for that matter. What if that guy is a believer in Scientology, and I’m talking to my friend about how fucking bullshit it is, is the guy going to ask me to stop or is he going to take this opportunity to tell his kid about “differing viewpoints” (also on eposidoe 11241421209602495620348234 of Sesame Street).

Words are like food, people. Some you don’t like, some you like, and some you just want to roll around in your mouth like warm chocolate sauce (the rich, velvet-y kind). I like the taste of swearing. It’s salty. No one can tell you what to eat. Eat what you want. Say what you want. Fuck that guy.

February 27th, 2009

Hello and welcome to our blog. This post is replacing the Hello World! post that the good people at WordPress put in automatically, so I felt I need SOME kind of welcome blurb. A side note, the existence of Hello World (is it a meme?) causes me to want to spell the word “hello” like this: “hellow”. End blurb.

What will you find here? I think the subtitle says it all: “Sports Served Subversively”. I’m not going to guarantee 100% subversion 100% of the time, but it is our goal to come at sports from at least 3 degrees counterclockwise from the rest of sports media. We hope you enjoy it.